Burnt out light

Do you ever feel like a burden. That everyone around you has a light but you don’t and if you stand close to someone else’s light ... you will burn their light out. So you try to be a light too but the feelings you have inside are anything but light. Yep that’s me right now. 

Wow it’s been 6 YEARS!

I stumbled apon this... my blog I started 6 years ago! 6 years! WOW! A lot can change in 6 years! I don’t even know where to start. I went down a different path than this blog started out to be... finding my way again. Life really is a journey... full of opportunities for learning and growth all along the way. 

6 years! how I would give anything to go back and erase the mistakes of 6 years ago. I had a moment in time where I wasn’t true to myself, my spouse, my friends .... anyone really... I got caught up in a moment now frozen intime that I would do anything to undo. I’m still affected so much today by that moment... A doctors appointment that turned into a brief affair... a choice I made... I would give anything to go back and change that choice! 

I have had been inactive from the lds church for 5 years after that incident... divorced my husband ... 1 1/2 years later remarried my husband (the 2nd one not the first) moved to the ozarks in Missouri and now piecing my life back together. Started to attend church again. Started to talk to my bishop about the events of 6 years ago! Reading these posts I wrote 6 years ago prior to “the doctor mistake”. That anyone can be forgiven of any sin. And now here I am I must believe them I have to believe them. I have beaten myself up for so long. What would it be like if I truly let go and forgave me, Matthew, the doctor.... ME! Could I be ME again could I get back there.... Full of hope and light!! Here I have been praying everyday that Christ comes and takes this agony away and really it’s a choice I could make right now and have it removed tonight!!